When I was in the Navy, we had pithy expressions for just about everything.
“That makes as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.” (self-explanatory)
“I want you guys to make this place shine like a diamond in a goat’s ass.” (Really clean this place up!)
“That (machine) is tits up.” (That means a device is broken or “dead.”)
“Are we gonna go ugly-early? Or are we gonna drink’em pretty tonight?”
See the world… piss people off… and get your ass kicked
In the dental clinics, we’d occasionally get sailors the day after a night out on the town suffering from “Two Dudes Syndrome.” Broken teeth. Avulsed teeth. Lacerated lips. Even the occasional fractured mandible. The story was the same, every time. “I was walking down the street… minding my own business… and these TWO DUDES JUMPED ME from out of nowhere!”
They always denied instigating anything. They were always innocent. One guy told me 30 guys jumped him. I figured he was lucky to be alive. In reality, most just didn’t want to admit they got their asses kicked (by one guy).
Meanwhile in the civilian sector…
On Sunday, I got a call via my emergency phone number. New patient found me with a web search. The girlfriend called on his behalf. He had been in an altercation in the wee hours of Sunday morning (out Saturday night). A tooth was knocked out. He found it and went to the ER. They put the tooth back in. (I reassured her that was a good thing.) But, was still in a lot of pain.
I generally don’t go into the office after hours for strangers I’ve never seen as patients before. So, I told her to call the office first thing in the morning (Monday) and we’ll get a look at him. I told her we may need to stabilize the tooth to let it heal, and it might need a root canal. In many cases the tooth can be saved.
Sure enough she called back in the morning, and we got him in as the first patient. The tooth that was avulsed was #24. And, oddly enough it was located / crowded to the lingual of the other anterior teeth. So, how on Earth does a lower tooth that’s crowded out to the LINGUAL get knocked out in a fight? Maybe his teeth slammed together in a funny way? Weird.
Nothing good happens after midnight
Oh… it was two dudes that did this to him. No kidding. At 5:00 am on Sunday morning after a night of partying. Two dudes jumped him for “no reason.” I later learned he previously served in the Army, not that it means anything. But, he and his girlfriend actually seemed quite nice.
He reported that his whole jaw hurts. Hmmm… I palpated the TMJ areas… “How about here?” Nope. He pointed to the angle of the mandible and then swept forward to his chin, “It hurts everywhere.” I asked him to open. He managed to open about an inch and winces in pain. That was as far as he could open. I observed ecchymosis on the floor of his mouth in the anterior area. Hmmmm… Let’s get a panoramic x-ray.
The size and format of the image is small, so let’s zoom in.
Two fractures. One at the right angle of the mandible. The other in the left body of the mandible diagonally extending to the midline. No wonder he’s in pain! He must have taken a heck of a shot!
My new theory of how the lingually crowded #24 came out: It squirted out like a grape seed when the mandible fractured in that area.
I called my oral surgeon down the street. Turns out the patient has no insurance and no money, so he suggested he return to the E.R. I later found out from there, he went to the V.A. hospital. And, from there he was sent to the V.A. in Miami. He’s scheduled for surgery later this week.
Some day, I hope those two dudes retire.